Politics’ biggest night, fashion’s biggest fright?

JOHANNESBURG - Thursday marked what feels like one of the biggest nights in politics, the Oscars, I mean, the State of the Nation Address (SONA) 2024, pre-Elections Edition.

Its intention is for President Cyril Ramaphosa to update Parliament – and the country – on the, uhm, state of the nation. However, it’s become somewhat infamous for being one of the few nights our political figures can show up in their Sunday best without being totally hyper-criticised by anyone with fingers or a mouthpiece on their often-tone-deaf displays of wealth.

Yes, there is an argument to make as to how government officials can bag a Lady Dior, and an even greater argument to make as to why there is even a need for a red carpet to be laid for what is essentially a drawn-out speech that could’ve just been an email, but I do think that even those long past their prime should be able to have an event where they can dress up and feel cute.

Though there will no doubt be 100,000 think pieces on the address before sunset, and 30,459 politicians decrying the nearly two-hour speech, what really matters here is that, for once, my headline was merely hyperbolic clickbait, and the looks were not awful – at least the one’s I’ve seen.

They weren’t amazing and only a couple of dignitaries truly ate, but, you know, maybe it’s tough to find a stylist who can work in the dark when inverters run out of power.

There were, however, some true stinkers, a lot of really misguided styling choices, make-up that looks like what I imagine my newborn niece can do by now, and some really bizarre headpieces – including one made out of the fake flowers I put in my room because I can just barely keep myself alive.

Of course, no one in government has even an ounce of Charisma, Unique, Nerve, and Talent aesthetically, so I don’t have very high expectations, but if you’re going to insist on turning a speech into an event, you might as well go all out.

Anyway, though I am sure President Ramaphosa said some super important stuff, the key outcome here is that SONA 2024 made history by becoming the first one of its kind whose looks didn’t make me want to gouge my eyes out. I’m (mostly) kidding, haha.

Here’s my ranking (the only one that matters, mind you) of some of the SONA 2024 looks in order from worst to best.