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STUDY: Privilege and entitlement and cognitive functioning in white S Africans

SATIRE

White people in South Africa have an increased risk of impaired overall cognitive functioning as they present with low exposure levels to the rest of South African society and its people and an unhealthy close-minded lifestyle based on privilege and entitled behaviour.

This study assesses the cognitive function and its association with privilege, entitlement and fragility (just for good measure) in a qualitative sample of white South Africans of all ages, but particularly those who offer unsubstantial academic research on the intelligence of coloured women, of which they know nothing.

All white South Africans inclusive of varietal economic demographics were included in this study. They were separated into two cisgender groups and furthermore, two education groups. The cognitive function in relation to privilege and entitlement were assessed using the bullshit-sensor indicators of the rest of South Africa across races – excluding white - (an underestimated mechanism that detects white privilege nonsense in South Africa) as well as the general consensus of a majority public who is generally quite tired of a society that continues to deal with social sores like Steve Hofmeyr and other racist studies like Age- and education-related effects on cognitive functioning in colored South African women.

Herewith, the results of this study (Privilege and entitlement-related effects on the cognitive function in the white South African):

Flexibility: White South Africans were found with a below average capacity to quickly switch to appropriate mental modes of conduct. While the results show they were able to pay attention to the relevant stimuli, a shocking amount of participants were completely incapable of considering any conflicting representations of information and were therefore unable to self-reflect and correct behaviour.

Also, several instances of perseveration occurred proving inflexibility when white South Africans made consistent errors in responding to basic socio-political norms, they had difficulty inhibiting prepotent responses. Previous studies have shown that perseveration is a result of a deficit in frontal lobe functioning.

Theory of mind: The propensity of white people to have an insight into other people’s inner world, their plans, their likes and dislikes also proved to be of below average ability.

White people were unable to tap into the thoughts of other people around them and showed much hesitancy to engage with the beliefs of others, whether based on historical facts or cultural differences. Theory of mind commonly starts to develop in children at the age of about four: a large number of the South African population seems to have missed this stage in their cognitive growth and therefore theory of mind tasks prove to be some of the most difficult.

False-belief understanding is an imperative part of intellectual development. It stands apart from language ability and age and a deficit in this cognitive ability explains the privileged white inability to engage in meaningful conversations, relate to various aspects of social function and affects their ability to restore social competence and resolve conflict.

Anticipation: Predictions based on pattern recognitions scored low in white South Africans, with brain wave activity for the cognitive skill in the cerebellum moving at a snail’s pace.

As a whole, subjects proved to have little focus and the neural preparation that conveys significant visual, auditory and tactile information about “what’s to come at them from the world around them” resulted in amounts close to zero.

All groups were given the study on coloured women to read to test their anticipatory wiring and 99% of participants failed to anticipate the response to that very study from a more educated public. The 1% wanted to know what coloured is and didn’t realise other races existed, so they had to be discounted from the results. But for the most part, the majority of white South Africans showed signs of false anticipation because the messaging of the aforementioned study had them cognitively nodding in agreement, which implied they expected the same from everyone else. Wrong.

Problem-solving and decision making: These results in our study were closely linked to the ones in the preceding category. A lack of accurate anticipation led to misidentifying the problem and therefore selecting the incorrect response to generate a solution. For a practical example of this, please see the response to the study from Stellenbosch University.

Working memory: While white South Africans scored high in their ability to manipulate information, their skill for holding facts proved abysmal.

Working memory functions are also related to arithmetic ability and while white South Africans are excellent at counting money, they seemed incapable of any accounting when it came to three-century history of oppression and false facts.

Emotional self-regulation: These results were eventually scraped from the study because there were none. Zero. As were the results for sequencing and inhibition.

Our study conclusively found that privilege and entitlement are directly related to a decline in social cohesion and key executive cognitive functions in white South Africans.

Disclaimer: Just like Stellenbosch University’s stance on the “intelligence of coloured women study”, the authors of this study (all people of colour) welcome rigorous academic discussion and critical debate. The authors are also firm in their opposition to white fragility, intellectual racism and attributing cognitive capacities such as intelligence in terms of race. Even though, just like Stellenbosch University, they have allowed for this study which does these very things. They also sometimes dabble in phrenology and other forms of archaic segregation tactics as initiated by foreign whites in the 19th century because it now serves them to do so. They would also like to thank the white forefathers of phrenology for their guidance and research.

Haji Mohamed Dawjee is a South African columnist, disruptor of the peace and the author of 'Sorry, Not Sorry: Experiences of a brown woman in a white South Africa'. Follow her on Twitter.

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