[OPINION] The 'Kenny K' confessions
_Haji Mohamed Dawjee imagines what Kenny Kunene would confess about a recent shooting in Norwood. _
To my loyal fans and VIP members of the Kenny Kunene Kwa-Kwa club,
I have a confession to make. Actually, I have a few. In the words of Usher, these are my confessions.
Every time I was in Waverley, I was working on my re-emergence strategy
Every time the media called I told them I was shot, I was not
Nooo, that’s all just dirt
Ohh, I wasn’t even hurt
I was cruising in my BMW, both hands on the wheel
A watch on each wrist, looking all “blue steel”
I lost my damn mind, it’s gone, so wrong
Acting like I didn’t care about the lies that I told
Thinking about myself, I knew news about me was getting old
I bet you probably believe you got the right story
But a sane man would never do the things I’m about to tell you I’ve done
Brace yourself, it ain’t good
But it would be even worse if you heard this from somebody else
Listen
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I lost track of my counting and some numbers got in the way
These are my confessions
I organized that hit
But those bullets didn’t touch my car, not even one bit…
If I’m gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all
I tried to make Cyril Ramaphosa take the fall
I'm so caught up and now I don’t know what to do
But to give you part two
… of my confessions…
Now this is hardest thing I think I ever had to do
It’s even harder than eating sushi off my boo
Remember those pics I posted with the car
With the holes on the side, well those aren’t holes, in fact I don’t know what they are
The first thing that came to my mind was to lie
Second thing was how do I do this and come off like an innocent guy
The ANC Youth League said I paid those “thugs”
ANCYL is right, I paid them with a 1 litre and a garage pie
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
The ANCYL caught up with me and got in the way
These are my confessions
Man I’m ashamed of that fiction that I made
Takalani Sesame rehearsed it with me and then I got played
If I’m gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all
I tried to discredit Cyril and now I have to take the fall
ANCYL threw me shade and I don’t know what to do
I was wearing my sunglasses so I couldn’t see
I guess I have to give you part three
… of my confessions…
Sittin here stuck on stupid, tryna figure Twitter out
When, what, and how did I let this come out of my mouth
These tweeps don’t make it easy
I know I seem sleazy
They’re saying I CTRL-ALT Deleted the bullet holes from my car
That I’m like Neo from the Matrix and I walked away without a scar
These are my confessions
I called the Citizen and ANN7 before the “hit man” deal was through
They said “sure Kenny, we’ll cover you”
I’m a seeker of attention
Put me in detention
And while I’m there I’ll learn to count
King Kenny OUT
These are my confessions…
Haji Mohamed Dawjee is a commentator on gender equality, sexuality, culture, race relations and feminism as well as ethics in the South African media environment.