20°C / 22°C
  • Tue
  • 26°C
  • 13°C
  • Wed
  • 23°C
  • 13°C
  • Thu
  • 20°C
  • 11°C
  • Fri
  • 24°C
  • 11°C
  • Sat
  • 25°C
  • 14°C
  • Tue
  • 18°C
  • 12°C
  • Wed
  • 22°C
  • 12°C
  • Thu
  • 25°C
  • 17°C
  • Fri
  • 22°C
  • 15°C
  • Sat
  • 21°C
  • 17°C
  • Tue
  • 29°C
  • 14°C
  • Wed
  • 24°C
  • 14°C
  • Thu
  • 23°C
  • 13°C
  • Fri
  • 26°C
  • 12°C
  • Sat
  • 27°C
  • 16°C
  • Tue
  • 26°C
  • 11°C
  • Wed
  • 25°C
  • 11°C
  • Thu
  • 23°C
  • 12°C
  • Fri
  • 27°C
  • 13°C
  • Sat
  • 26°C
  • 13°C
  • Tue
  • 21°C
  • 17°C
  • Wed
  • 22°C
  • 18°C
  • Thu
  • 25°C
  • 19°C
  • Fri
  • 28°C
  • 20°C
  • Sat
  • 26°C
  • 22°C
  • Tue
  • 17°C
  • 12°C
  • Wed
  • 18°C
  • 12°C
  • Thu
  • 23°C
  • 15°C
  • Fri
  • 22°C
  • 17°C
  • Sat
  • 21°C
  • 17°C
  • Tue
  • 19°C
  • 10°C
  • Wed
  • 26°C
  • 9°C
  • Thu
  • 29°C
  • 14°C
  • Fri
  • 26°C
  • 13°C
  • Sat
  • 22°C
  • 14°C
  • Tue
  • 18°C
  • 12°C
  • Wed
  • 23°C
  • 12°C
  • Thu
  • 26°C
  • 16°C
  • Fri
  • 24°C
  • 15°C
  • Sat
  • 21°C
  • 16°C
  • Tue
  • 30°C
  • 16°C
  • Wed
  • 27°C
  • 15°C
  • Thu
  • 25°C
  • 14°C
  • Fri
  • 27°C
  • 14°C
  • Sat
  • 29°C
  • 16°C
  • Tue
  • 21°C
  • 7°C
  • Wed
  • 25°C
  • 5°C
  • Thu
  • 26°C
  • 13°C
  • Fri
  • 25°C
  • 13°C
  • Sat
  • 26°C
  • 12°C
  • Tue
  • 34°C
  • 15°C
  • Wed
  • 22°C
  • 14°C
  • Thu
  • 21°C
  • 14°C
  • Fri
  • 28°C
  • 15°C
  • Sat
  • 34°C
  • 14°C
  • Tue
  • 15°C
  • 10°C
  • Wed
  • 17°C
  • 10°C
  • Thu
  • 23°C
  • 13°C
  • Fri
  • 20°C
  • 15°C
  • Sat
  • 19°C
  • 15°C

[OPINION] 2016 is great, what’s everyone on about?

I cannot wait for Saturday. We get married. Our playlist is amazing. 2016 has been an awesome year, and I am not entirely sure that the people who are moaning about it even know what they’re moaning about. Sure, we lost a few good ones: Bowie, Prince, Obama (he’s not dead though but may his reign rest in peace). And yeah, 2016 is almost done, everyone can celebrate 2017 with the pressure of doing something on New Year and waking up on January 1st with an existential crisis. Beginnings of new years are the worst. Be careful what you wish for.

My new year begins Saturday. I’ve taken to calling it “The rest of our lives”, annoying right? Get over it. In 2017, we’ll get a cat, finally decide which apartment to get rid of, probably not, it’s way too much admin, and then spend most weekends exploring the Western Cape in our hilarious purple Chrysler PT Cruiser gifted to us by a beautiful friend.

Until then though, the next few days are filled with a few chapters this year that need closing, like:

  1. Pretending to catch up on the whole SABC mess. This is what I am misunderstanding/understanding so far: Hlaudi sings gospel before the news in the morning? The public broadcaster is currently accepting internships applications, and all is not lost, there are still a few amazing journalists there like Krivani Pillay, among others.

  2. I still have not looked at the Donald Trump/Queen memes. They can’t be that funny?

  3. There’s some complicated kak going on with the Hawks again. Nine charges, plotting the murder of the Hawks boss, McBride, Sibiya, O'Sullivan and some such. In all honestly, this might pour over into next year. Or maybe I will just wait until the results of all of this are out, tweet the headline and compose some profound opinion on it like the majority or plebs with PhDs.

  4. Before this year is out, I hope to figure out why the song 7 Years by Lukas Graham needs to last seven years long. It’s like an opus. Honestly. Why is that necessary?

  5. The cutting down of Karima Brown by Nomboniso Gasa. There’s a plea for Ms. Brown to please introspect by Ms. Gasa. I’ll probably just dip in and out of the hashtag and fake catching up on this.

  6. Guptas. Cash monies. That sort of thing.

  7. Giving Westworld another go. I don’t understand the hype. Is it a show about how well Sir Anthony Hopkins has aged and how Ed Harris looks as old as Egypt?

Honestly though, I am going to spend the majority of my time procrastinating and trying to figure out why Fetty Wap’s 'Trap Queen' is playing on repeat in my head.

You’d think something more appropriate and romantic would provide the soundtrack to my life right now. That I’m getting married in the morning song from My Fair Lady. Or, Rude (Marry that Girl) by Magic! Perhaps even Marry You by Bruno Mars. All of which I have listened to over the past few days, weeks even. But no. It’s Trap Queen that I wake up with in my head every morning. I find myself singing the chorus over and over to myself at the most random moments in the day too. When crossing the street for example, or shoving left over ice-blocks from a glass of water into my espresso so that I can gulp it faster. It bogged me down and stole all my concentration at work the other day when I played chess with a friend/colleague in the office. I lost, hopelessly. I blame the song, though really it’s because I kind of suck anyway.

It’s a terrible song. Nasty in fact. The lyrics that I sing to myself are so anti-fem that I am too embarrassed to sing them out loud. But then again, there’s anti-fem to be found in everything and it does get kind of boring, so screw that. Let’s leave the hardcore politics for January when we make all kinds of resolutions to be better humans. So I’ll share the lyrics, here goes:

I'm like, 'Hey, what's up? Hello'
Seen your pretty ass soon as you came in the door
I just wanna chill, got a sack for us to roll
Married to the money, introduced her to my stove
Showed her how to whip it, now she remixin' for low
She my trap queen, let her hit the bando
We be countin' up, watch how far them bands go
We just set a goal, talkin' matchin' Lambos
Got 50, 60 grand, prob' a hundred grams though
Man, I swear I love her how she work the damn pole
Hit the strip club, we be letting bands go
Everybody hating, we just call them fans though
In love with the money, I ain't ever letting go

And I get high with my baby
I just left the mall, I'm getting fly with my baby, yeah
And I can ride with my baby
I be in the kitchen cooking pies with my baby, yeah
And I can ride with my baby
I just left the mall, I'm getting fly with my baby, yeah
And I can ride with my baby
I be in the kitchen cooking pies with my baby

(I'm like, "Hey, what's up? Hello.")”

Wow right? Understandably, it leaves one with the impression that I think of my soon to be betrothed as just a piece of ass who is good at stripping and making pies I guess. I don’t think this of her at all. She is good at none of those things. She is, however, spectacular at doing impressions of stuffed animals and making them come to life – side eye impressions and all – she is also the master of my laughter and the captain of my soul. How’s that for ratchet to cheesy in one swift sentence?

All in all, not a bad way to while away the time. Here’s to the silly season, “I’ll be in the kitchen cooking pies with my baby”.

Haji Mohamed Dawjee is employed by Code For Africa at the head office in Cape Town as programme manager for impactAFRICA - the continent's largest fund for digital-driven data storytelling. She is a regular commentator on gender equality, sexuality, culture, race relations and feminism as well as ethics in the South African media environment.

Comments

EWN welcomes all comments that are constructive, contribute to discussions in a meaningful manner and take stories forward.

However, we will NOT condone the following:

- Racism (including offensive comments based on ethnicity and nationality)
- Sexism
- Homophobia
- Religious intolerance
- Cyber bullying
- Hate speech
- Derogatory language
- Comments inciting violence.

We ask that your comments remain relevant to the articles they appear on and do not include general banter or conversation as this dilutes the effectiveness of the comments section.

We strive to make the EWN community a safe and welcoming space for all.

EWN reserves the right to: 1) remove any comments that do not follow the above guidelines; and, 2) ban users who repeatedly infringe the rules.

Should you find any comments upsetting or offensive you can also flag them and we will assess it against our guidelines.

EWN is constantly reviewing its comments policy in order to create an environment conducive to constructive conversations.

comments powered by Disqus