[OPINION] #ScienceMustFall: Now protesting an Apple
The "bad" fruit we've all been warned about is raising its defenses.
Protest fever has officially been classified as a pandemic. Nothing is immune. The revolution is not whispering. It's shouting.
The mystery of the contagious nature of the protest has unfolded over recent weeks and the general public has confirmed that the disease has reached outbreak proportions.
It has therefore officially been classified as a pandemic. The spread, once confined to a single hashtag (# FeesMustFall) now knows no limitations. Many areas are now being affected at a lightning speed rate.
"We should have paid more attention. Sometimes we take for granted that the sky is blue, and that the sun is warm. We trick ourselves into believing that these gems of common knowledge are immune to being victims of the protest endemic," said an average South African during an interview, which took place on the street just outside a building dressed in colonial architecture.
"Now, we know they aren't," he continued. "Nothing is safe, not even apples."
This average South African lives in an average home, earns an average income, has an average education and is brown - on average - in terms of hue. To clarify, on an official Pantone brown palette, he would be defined as pecan brown (Code: 17 -1430 TPX). The dude is also a feminist and considers himself fairly well read on Africanism and black consciousness. He prefers to remain anonymous. He would hate if a #pecanbrownpeoplemustfall protest started because of his views.
News of #sciencemustfall started trending on Twitter on Friday morning after a Youtube video caught a lot of traction. In the video, a woman explains that gravity existed in Africa long before Newton discovered it, but because an apple fell on his head, we have just come to accept that he is the prophet of the scientific reason behind why things on Earth basically stay grounded (The same cannot be said for egos).
WATCH: Science must fall
Apples are outraged. During their press conference later that day, led by the Granny Smiths, the founders of Apples (in Africa), the family of fruit made it clear that they will not fall prey to these insults. "We fell for gravity, we will rise against #sciencemustfall", said chief-whip and the apple's bae, Golden Delicious.
In reference to the pandemic, the group had this to say: With just a few quick tweets and Youtube videos, this protest disease is able to set off a gargantuan chain of events that takes up a lot of time and resources. It's one thing if it's done for the right reasons. But now it's science? And us? Pears never have to put up with this kind of sh*t. We've been getting a bad rep since Adam. If nothing else, I hope this disease spreads to #religiousfolktalesmustfall.
Legitimate scientists - many in fact of the African variety globally are naturally (and socially) staying out of this and refused to comment.
Studies of Twitter however show that participants who are pro #sciencemustfall need to seek medical attention immediately, most of them need it. The Apples have made clear that they will not be keeping any doctors away.
_Haji Mohamed Dawjee is employed by Code For Africa at the head office in Cape Town as programme manager for impactAFRICA - the continent's largest fund for digital-driven data storytelling. She is a regular commentator on gender equality, sexuality, culture, race relations and feminism as well as ethics in the South African media environment. Follow her on Twitter: @sageofabsurd _